I’m most grateful that our boys lived too!! Lived - so miraculous. And they’re so very loved too. It’s beautiful.
Thank you so much for the rest of your comment. You are truly kind and I appreciate you so much! Your original comment did not come across as competitive or minimizing at all. But I appreciate you checking in and making sure, as that’s a really thoughtful gesture!
I often minimize my own experiences in life and I think that’s somewhat a learned behavior due to anxiety because we spend so much time, we anxious folks, saying no it’s not that bad, it’s not that bad. And so when truly terrible things happen sometimes we still fall into trying to convince ourselves it’s not as bad as we think, it must be overblown because we overblow everything. I never really made that connection to that being a result of anxiety before. That’s interesting!
I’ve taken a while to learn (and am still always relearning) to own my own experiences and to feel valid about owning trauma or grief, or joy for that matter - whatever is my experience, it’s valid and important.
It’s sad the mothers in that forum you mentioned were basically competitive about whose grief is worse. Like you, I just think what’s the point of that? Why compare?
I’m so glad you wrote all this out though because it is always good to reinforce the lesson not to minimize my own experience (which I did just last week when chatting with a guy online who’d lost his son a few years back shortly after birth, I was like oh I kind of understand but I also don’t, your grief must be so much worse, etc.). It’s a hard habit to break, but important to recognize the validity of our own story, our own experience. That’s one reason I love Idol and writing in general. We get to tell and own our own stories.
Thanks for your beautiful and heartfelt support! <3 hugs!
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regna
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-11 11:12 pm (UTC)Thank you so much for the rest of your comment. You are truly kind and I appreciate you so much! Your original comment did not come across as competitive or minimizing at all. But I appreciate you checking in and making sure, as that’s a really thoughtful gesture!
I often minimize my own experiences in life and I think that’s somewhat a learned behavior due to anxiety because we spend so much time, we anxious folks, saying no it’s not that bad, it’s not that bad. And so when truly terrible things happen sometimes we still fall into trying to convince ourselves it’s not as bad as we think, it must be overblown because we overblow everything. I never really made that connection to that being a result of anxiety before. That’s interesting!
I’ve taken a while to learn (and am still always relearning) to own my own experiences and to feel valid about owning trauma or grief, or joy for that matter - whatever is my experience, it’s valid and important.
It’s sad the mothers in that forum you mentioned were basically competitive about whose grief is worse. Like you, I just think what’s the point of that? Why compare?
I’m so glad you wrote all this out though because it is always good to reinforce the lesson not to minimize my own experience (which I did just last week when chatting with a guy online who’d lost his son a few years back shortly after birth, I was like oh I kind of understand but I also don’t, your grief must be so much worse, etc.). It’s a hard habit to break, but important to recognize the validity of our own story, our own experience. That’s one reason I love Idol and writing in general. We get to tell and own our own stories.
Thanks for your beautiful and heartfelt support! <3 hugs!